Of all the places I imagined I might be, this was never even on the horizon. I sat there on that warm October afternoon in 1990 watching my life disappear. My husband was moving all of his things out of the house as we began our separation, which would end in divorce the next year. It was, at that time, the most painful experience in my life.
My marriage had never been what I imagined it might be. The man I married was not the man I thought I knew. The verbal abuse began almost as soon as the honeymoon ended, and got worse and worse over the next few months. Then it became physical, and I ended up with bruised ribs. My family doctor, handing me a prescription for blood pressure pills, told me, “This relationship is going to kill you.” My counselor said, “You can’t save both you and Tony; you have to decide whether you want to save yourself.” And so, finally, I told Tony that it was over and he had to move out.
I hadn’t told anyone what was going on. It’s part of the experience of abuse; you feel ashamed, as if you are the one who has done something wrong. Not only that, but I was ashamed to admit that I had made such a huge mistake as to marry someone like this, to admit that I didn’t know him for what he really was. I felt like the people who mattered most in my life would be disappointed in me, and the person I most hated to disappoint was my dad.
But the journey took some unexpected turns. I became much closer to my mother, who took every opportunity to tell me it wasn’t my fault and that she was glad I was out of the relationship. It drew me closer to my brother, as well, and I had to laugh when we talked on the phone and he told me that if he ever saw Tony again he would do him great bodily harm. But I was not so sure about my dad. Finally, much later, I told him I was afraid I had let him down and asked how he felt about it all. His response: “Your brother will have to wait in line if Tony ever comes around again.”
Not only did it bring me closer to my family, but this journey changed the way I was able to offer pastoral ministry. I had church members coming to me, sharing their own stories of going through a divorce and telling me how they still had issues from those experiences, and I was able to help them work through those things. And they helped me, too!
The journey I took through separation and divorce made me stronger, smarter, and more vulnerable, and it made me a better partner in the next relationship I was in. And it made me a better and more compassionate pastor. God took what was a horrible, painful time in my life and redeemed it, bringing something good out of it. And God does that in other people’s journeys, as well.
We all go on journeys we don’t want to take. Sometimes they are emotional journeys. Divorce. Illness. Grief. Other times they are actual trips to places we may not want to go. A transfer for work. A move to take care of family members. But whatever the journey, if we turn it over to God, something good can come from it.
Mary and Joseph had to go on a journey that they didn’t want to take. No one in their right mind would want to pick up and travel when she was nine months pregnant. Mary was in Nazareth, her home town, surrounded by her family and a midwife that she knew and trusted. And then Joseph learned about the census that was being taken, and the forced journeys that so many people would have to go on in order to register. So they packed up, and set out for Bethlehem, a journey that would take several days on foot, or perhaps by donkey.
Can you imagine walking or sitting on a donkey for days when you are about to deliver a baby? Can you imagine Joseph’s feelings of helplessness, seeing Mary in discomfort and not being able to do anything about it? But, just as he had all along this journey with Mary so far, Joseph trusted God to take care of them. He didn’t know how things would work out, but he believed that they would work out.
They finally arrived in Bethlehem, only to find that there was no place for them to stay. The inns were full. People’s homes were filled to the brim with out-of-town relatives. And so they were at the mercy of strangers. And God provided a place for them to stay: a stable. It wasn’t the Hyatt Regency. It wasn’t even the Motel 6. But it was a warm, dry place to rest. And it became the birthplace of the Son of God. There, among the animals, in the scratchy bed of hay, Jesus came into this world. It wasn’t much, but it was somehow right that the One who lived such a humble life as the servant of all began his journey in life in such a simple, lowly place.
At the end of the journey to Bethlehem was the birth of a baby. God took that trip that had been ordered by Rome and made it a journey that we remember to this day. He made it the beginning of the story of the birth of his Son. And he invites us to remember that he goes with us on our difficult journeys today, providing for our needs, perhaps not in glorious fashion, but adequately.
I don’t know what journey you might be on this morning. Some of you are on a journey through grief, having lost a loved one this past year. For you the journey through the holiday season to Christmas Eve has been hard. Some of you may be on a journey through looking for a job, and you are having to trust God to lead you to the right position. Some of you are on a journey of watching your parents or spouse decline in health and realizing that things will never be the same as they used to be. Others are on journeys of having to deal with your own health issues, and wonder if you will ever feel like yourself again.
No matter what journey you are on that you may not want to take, know this: God is with you. God walks with you every step of the way. Not only that, but God has provided for you all that you need. You will get through this. It may not be easy. It may take a while. It may lead you to places you never expected to find yourself. But in the end, it you turn that journey over to God, God will bring something good out of it. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is found in Romans 8:28. Paul writes, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” It doesn’t say that God works for the good in SOME things; it says that in ALL things God works for good. You may not be able to see it now, but trust God. It will be for your good in the end.
We are all traveling through life together. Sometimes we have to go on journeys we don’t want to take. But wherever you are, wherever you are going, just remember you are never alone. God is with us. Emmanuel has come. Christ the Lord is born today, and that makes all the difference.
